Wednesday, March 7, 2007

i'm bringing...old apartment back?

i want to move back to my old apartment.

i moved here for a lot of wrong reasons, and a very few right ones. a few more good things have made themselves known since i moved in, but this place still does not feel like home. a lot of things have changed since i moved in, and i still miss my old home. i feel like i became "me" in my old place, and i am sorely tempted to call my old landlord and ask if there is a vacancy in my old building.

i miss the multiple windows, the hardwood floors, the archways, and the fact that nobody cared when i sang "you and i both" at the top of my lungs at 6am on saturday mornings while doing dishes. i miss the never-ending hot water, the pink bathroom, carondelet park, the window above my kitchen sink, and so many memories.

i remember the break-in, and telling the police that i was leaving: "i'm gonna be late for yoga." they were stunned.
i remember listening to the streets, and being asked if it was "gangsta rap."
i remember "watching" wicker park.
i remember coming home and screaming into a towel.
i actually do remember cutting that memory foam thing.
i remember stumbling home and singing gavin degraw into my freezer full of lean cuisines.
i remember the summer of fifty first dates.
i remember that no wallet fiasco.
i remember marley.
i remember coming home from hawaii, feeling defeated, to find so many surprises.
i remember coming back to that apartment to mend a broken heart, to find a mess, and building it all back up again, and making it home again.
i remember so many other things.
i remember moving out, trying not to cry, and crying, and thinking, "this is just not the last time i will see this place, i know it."

now. living where i live now has advantages. the big one is this: i am ONE MILE AWAY from my yoga studio, and a short distance from forest park, whole foods, and a lot of other things i do or enjoy. ONE MILE FROM YOGA. that saves time, gas, stress, and energy.

but i have...carpet. ugh. and neighbors that cook nasty-ass-smelling chitlins. the rent is almost twice as high. it is smaller, and the floor squeaks.

and it doesn't feel like home.

i originally moved here thinking i would only stay until this may. i had a plan. but everything has changed now.

i lived in that old apartment for three years. i miss it. i miss it a LOT.
one phone call is all i would need to make to find out if i could move back in may.

what should i do, readers?
honestly? it's the yoga studio that's doing it for me. i can walk there now.
i'm afraid to move back because i don't want to be a 15 minute drive from my yoga studio.

crap.
give me a comment. help me out. what should i do?

stay here? try to go back? find a new home?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Go back to your old apartment if you love it so much. I'll help you move if you'd like.

Anonymous said...

Find somewhere in the middle.

Anonymous said...

hey girl...
give me a call... id love to talk..
i know how u feel... and might not have answers but it'll be good to talk about it w/ someone who is not there..

I have a new phone number..
ill send it to you.
NAMASTE"